Panthera Sapiens Ellipsis: The Blog

Exams will be here in another two weeks or so, so I’d better post as much as I can about what’s been happening before the computer gets a Do Not Touch sticker on its screen. Anyway, I’m just posting this because the charitable classmate mentioned in connection with Vanity Fair below asked me when I’d be blogging again. Well, here’s her answer. Also, Herr Robson (another classmate but not necessarily charitable) told me that my blog was just one long list of rants and insults, so I think I’ll make this post as sugary as possible so nobody can accuse me of libel. I just made up my list of Things to be Grateful For, and first on the list is that I’m not female. (Some of my classmates would claim that I’m not human either, but that’s beside the point.) My Biology teacher just finished enumerating the pains and toils of birth and childrearing, and I am so glad I’m not going to suffer all that! Then again, if it was easy, it wouldn’t be called labour, would it? And then, of course, I won t...

Holidays might be a nice idea for the Form Five students of SM Loch Yuck, if they actually occurred. We were supposed to have a week of holidays next week, but no, the cue ball we call the Unprincipled of the school decided that the best class in school needed more classes, ostensibly to better our grades in the upcoming exams. And to think that no other secondary school in the city has them. Hah!! What he needs is some serious quality time with the school counsellor and a bottle of Hair Grow. I seriously believe that the reason he tortures us so (poor, innocent, pure, downtrodden angels that we are) is that he’s jealous of every single hair on our heads. Classic envy complex is my diagnosis: some time alone in the nearest mental institution and far away from normal people, my suggestion. My results in the exam just got back. I only failed one subject this time (Oh joy!) and got three A’s, one of which was Malay, which was never one of my best subjects. My average being 61.00 exactly,...

Well, my sister’s party went off OK, not like what I envisioned. I did have to spend several milliseconds cleaning up, but I guess it was worth it. Some of her classmates were supposed to bring a karaoke set, but forgot. The karaoke’s absence was hardly noticed, though, since the piano completely dominated the scene for several hours as the more musically inclined ones pounded away at it and the less musical ones sang very off-key songs. Most of the songs were by S.H.E, which was appropriate considering the event, but I would have preferred Bach or Tchaikovsky. The only person she invited who was born in the same year as I was declined to appear as he would have to buy her presents and he was too stingy. Bad Pig Boy (a.k.a. Chu), very bad pig!! In any case, at least no-one had to starve because he wasn’t there to gobble up everything in sight and no-one vomited at the revolting sight of him eating. (I always think of black holes at his reaction to all things edible. Oh well, all things...

This post is just to negate the nonexistent rumours circulating that my sudden absence from the cyber world is proof that aliens exist and that they have an odd and unexplainable interest in kidnapping nerdy-looking high-school misfits to perform macabre experiments on, and that that’s what has happened to me. Well, that’s not true. Something far worse has happened. Yes, I do mean that. Picture a scene only found in your worst nightmares: you’re sitting at a desk, staring at a blank piece of paper, trying to figure out what the question means and what the answer could possibly be. Also, all around you are your classmates, writing like the world will end if they stop their pencils for a moment. Yes, I was having examinations—Evil, X-cruciating, Atrociously Mean, Impossible, Nutty and Alarmingly Terrible Inquisitions of Nerdy Students (me). Well, the exams are finally over. I’ve been suffering from Net withdrawal…I don’t want to think about what will happen to me when SPM rolls around! ...

  Well, it looks like I won’t be posting anything here for the next few weeks due to inevitable circumstances, namely a trial exam. Now is probably the time when I should throw up my hands in despair (this blog’s name would dictate that I throw up my paws) and wonder why things like this happen to good people (again, the blog’s title begs to differ). Anyway, I’ll just have to put up without Net access for the next three-and-a-half weeks. I’m so underprivileged. A classmate had a birthday on the 15th and a great big chocolate mousse cake. I had two pieces but no more. Poor me... Oh well, I suppose some people are generous, unlike yours truly. One wonders why nobody signs off as yours untruly?

Here I am again!! I got an 80% on my music theory exam and I’m so glad and proud of me! To more serious stuff…my exams start next weekend and I haven’t studied much yet! I’m so dead, except maybe in my English, because that’s my strongest subject, but still, lots of scholarships depend on how well I perform in this exam! Midnight oil burning here I come, unhealthy and anti-environmental though it be!

This is my first post here. For those not in the know, I'm Jonathan and my face looks like Mars up close. A classmate said the first thing I did here would be to put someone down...well, he's right. I would like to say that his genes are identical to a protozoa's.