Wimbleweather
[Monday, April 2]
The weather these past few weeks has been most unpredictable, shifting back and forth between rain and wind and cloud and shine. It's not that I mind terribly--you ought to be very much aware by now that of the four, my least favourite is shine--but it does make things inconvenient when planning anything. Even hanging clothes becomes something of a challenge.
(Especially because I have very few of those.)
I have decided that I very much like midi files. They're small, they sound almost like the original song (but without singing), and they don't make my uncle scream "Noisy!!" every time he walks by. Well, he doesn't actually scream, because what he does is reach over and turn my volume down until probably only an owl could hear it... if the owl happened to have earphones on. It's rather annoying... so I spent a few hours over the weekend on the Gorilla's computer (my main link to the Net) downloading midi files. The nice thing about them actually is their small size, since his connection is rather unstable... so the faster the download the better, as far as I'm concerned.
And I rather like them without singing too... it kind of lets me hear the notes better. Not that I think I could play anywhere near that level, but hey, it's a chance to improve a little bit. (And I think I really ought to improve while I can, before I get packed off to university or somewhere without a piano nearby.) Plus there're midi files for everything! Movie themes, videogame themes... so I got as much as I could find of Chocobo tunes and FF3 backgrounds. I'm still lacking the Kefka Laugh and the Figaro Castle tracks, though... I didn't find them. Apparently there aren't midis for everything, then...
It's raining massively outside right now, the rain's lashing the building like whips, and I can hear the wind actually howling outside. I always thought it was just a metaphor or something before, but I guess it was actually literal. Although, really, it's not quite howling. It sounds more like a souped-up bike revving up, over and over again. You know--- vrrrooooooooooooom. Vrooooooooooooom. VRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM! Something like that.
[One hour later]
The rain has stopped, but the clouds remain... it's distinctly gloomy weather today. It rather, I think, fits the mood...
I don't like it when emotions are violently displayed. I said so before, in the cell group meeting... but I'm not sure they understood what I was trying to say. That's the problem with me. In fact if I were to suddenly go mute, I'd probably not mind too badly, as long as I always had a pen and paper pad around to scribble on. Of course I'd need to write much more nicely, but it really would probably actually make communication much easier for me. For one thing, I'd never need to worry about interrupting other people or about mispronunciation; of course I'd need to ensure that the recipient could read, but then again crude sign language always works. And for another, I'd never need to worry about foot-in-mouth syndrome again.
But I should go back to last night first, just to make little notes for my future memory.
It was a thanksgiving for one of the elders of my church, who spent most of last year (and part of this year too) in and out of hospital. It began with a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in the lung, which impedes oxygen circulation); then he got extremely low blood pressure (70/40, which indicates that his heart was beginning to fail) and remained that way even on maximum dosage of three pressure-raising drugs; then a series of inflammations and virii and fungi (not my fault, that!--sorry, inside joke) and various other things, culminating in a failed heart valve requiring an open-heart surgery. And he still survived, which (from the medical point of view anyway) really shouldn't be the case.
There was a bit of time given to the family members to tell their testimonies (not as in Friendster. No little hearts or annoying pictures-drawn-with-characters in these... testimony, in the context of a church gathering, simply means what you experienced, and what you may have learned or experienced of God in, about, or through it) and I was worrying all through it about tears flowing. Because, you know, crying seems to be an unavoidable part of such things.
Fortunately nobody cried, although I was shooting panicky looks at D-Kun everytime somebody's voice broke or shook. He eventually decided I was just being mean. *sweatdrop*
But really, if anybody had cried, I'd have just put on a frozen face and tried my hardest to ignore everything--one of the things about me that prove I'm Melancholy. (According to several of the books I've read on the subject, Melancholies are masters of the art of denial of unpleasant circumstances.)
But it all turned out well eventually. It really is amazing that the uncle is, now, fully functional. Like they said, it is a miracle.
Of course, the testimonies last night weren't all shaky voices and almost-crying people. There were some rather interesting bits, such as the descriptions of smuggling visitors. In passing, my church seems to have an, er, disturbing tendency to smuggle people in and out of hospitals. The Gorilla, on the eve of an operation, was smuggled out of hospital--though admittedly not by anybody I know--and taken for a midnight snack that would probably have been all over the doctors' don't-eat list--and then he was smuggled back in. At midnight, remember. And apparently in the case of this uncle, the youth group was very busy arranging for decoy teams to distract the security guards while they pushed, pulled, and otherwise helped various persons of uncertain age into the ward to visit the uncle. I have decided, if I am ever hospitalised, to get a bed near the window to facilitate smuggling attempts. I suppose, in a way, the demonstrations of enthusiasm to visit him may have helped in the uncle's recovery.
And I met another of the teachers from RBS last night--and surprise of surprises, she remembered me! I seem to be running into ex-teachers of mine a lot lately: on Saturday evening, Free Tea had a be-earlied (as in the antonym of belated) birthday--at least two months brought forward--and I met one of my old Chemistry lecturers there. He recognised me too, but didn't remember which class I'd been in. He did, however, take credit for my B. I'm not sure whether he meant it jokingly.
...anyway, I'm still surprised that Aunty Heal-Me (that's roughly how her name is pronounced) remembered me--because, if I remember correctly, I managed to accomplish the rare feat of speaking less than a hundred words--in a month--to almost everybody older than myself there. There's at least three or four people to whom I said less than 50, I know. (They've probably forgotten me by now... I think.) But it's nice to be remembered.
[Tuesday]
Switching to midi files didn't work. My uncle has decreed that I wear earphones when listening to my music so I don't bother him... well, at least this'll make it that much easier for me to ignore him. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that... well, to be honest, I don't like him... much. He's OK in small doses, but being around Sanguines has never been good for my blood pressure. So far I've been stonewalling him as much as I can without being outright rude, but I think he's starting to dislike monosyllabic replies. I also think he'd rather I showed more emotion, but really he shows more than enough emotion for the two of us and I really don't want to encourage him in the overflow of feeling.
He's been rather grumpy these few days or weeks or something, I don't know when it started. I guess he isn't a morning person, either, since he apparently doesn't like waking up. Or maybe he just doesn't like waking up the cousins. Or something. Maybe he doesn't like waking me up, I don't know. But he does like to scold people... I suppose it's a phase everybody has to go through, but really he does get irrational at times. Like wanting me to hold my cousin's hand when crossing roads, even though the cousin in question is busy running away from me and to him. Or wanting me to do something about the red car that just turned the corner at high speed and came near the cousin who's standing behind me, having got down from the car while I wasn't looking. Behind me, remember? I don't have eyes in the back of my head.
Well... I should probably stop muttering about him since he's nearby and he's my boss and all... and anyway I've still got another 9 files' or so worth of receipts and bills to enter into the computer system. Amazing: so far (I keep track) I've already hit the Enter key more than 4000 times, and the number keys have probably each been hit about 10 times that. No wonder I'm now almost able to type without looking at the keyboard. Of course, the smallness of the keys still poses problems--I still hit wrong or extra keys on occasion. Just less often than before, is all.
[Friday]
I have now hit the Enter key at least 6000 times. That's about 2000 times in the last two days or so... which, when one considers it, makes quite a statement about the durability of laptop keyboards these days. Or maybe it's just a small miracle. Chronicles should know the kind of force with which I type. (For those who don't know it, I hit the keys quite hard. Not very good for the keyboard, but oh the stress relief it brings!)
I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Well, with 206 music files on my thumbdrive and another 50 or so on my mp3 player, that should be obvious. But, for some reason, I've been thinking a lot lately about having a theme song. Maybe it's a continuation of my earlier thoughts about death, maybe it's that movie I watched... The Holiday, I think, where some guy went and composed a theme song for some other guy... it was interesting. So I've been wondering lately, if my life were a movie, what would the soundtrack be like?
I think all this comes from watching too much anime or too many movies where the bad guy's appearance is always greeted by an invisible band playing fast music. Or playing RPG forums where people assign theme songs to their characters (because they say it helps them play more realistically--what the heck? Their character is a mad mass murderer!). And since the characters I create in RPG forums are always more or less similar to me (because I simply have no idea how a mad mass murderer would think, and anyway RPG forums have a serious deficiency of 20-year-old geeks), and people always ask what "my" theme song is, I'm wondering. (OK, so nobody has asked my theme song yet, but I'm just pretending they have.)
Seriously, though, I never like discussing myself very much. (Could've fooled you, huh?) At least, not about things I'm in no position to discuss. If you ask what I like eating or something I know about, I could probably talk your hind leg off if I thought it'd be worth the effort. But ask me to summarise my personality in a song... I've never been able to summarise myself, as is obvious from the multitude of posts devoted to gabbling about what I think about myself. And to choose a song to do it with...! All I have, really, is a list of songs that I think I can identify with, more or less. So if you ask for the theme song for the movie of my life, what you're gonna get is a medley of songs. A playlist, if you will.
So... *drumroll* The Playlist! (and my reasons for each song)
1. The theme from Edward Scissorhands (because it is my idea of beautiful sadness, and I like the wintery feel of it.)
2. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor as played by Vanessa Mae (because I like minor keys, and it's very nice.)
3. Canon in D (because I like the idea of variations on a theme.)
4. The Figaro Castle theme from FF3/6 (another minor key! but, really, it's very nice.)
5. We Go Together (a song that I wish would be played at the end of every camp I attend. It's very idealistic, but the sheer optimism is hard to beat.)
6. Mr. Bojangles (thanks to Jogger for this one; I really like it.)
7. Nobody's Fool (I get the urge for this one whenever people try to improve me, and I don't agree)
8. Brass de Chocobo (because it's another minor key, and I rather like the drums in the beginning.)
9. Suteki Dane (another beautifully sad song.)
10. Life is Like a Boat (because it is.)
11. Alone (because it's a happy-ending song: starts off sad but ends on a high key.)
12. Hold On (because it reminds me that Christianity is not a one-way thing. God does not throw tantrums and sulk at us when we leave Him.)
13. Joyful, Joyful (both the original and the Sister Act 2 version: because either way, it's lovely. And it helps keep one out of total gloom.)
14. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot (because that's basically how I want to meet my death. Happily.)
15. Holy, Holy, Holy (because it's utterly majestic if played well.)
16. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (because it's one of the more poetical carols. Unfortunately it seems to be unknown around here.)
17. The Unbirthday Song (because it's fun!)
18. Little Planets (because of the strong feel of nostalgia.)
19. Falco (because it manages to be both spirited and sad at the same time.)
20. Let's Get Retarded (because it's the kind of song that I want to sing at people who go on and on about learning going on forever.)
21. Movin!! (because I, too, just wanna keep on smiling.)
22. My Pace (because it's got interesting lyrics.)
23. Edelweiss (because I wish our national anthem were more like this and less about blood spilling on the ground. Especially not my blood.)
24. When You Say Nothing At All (because it was one of the first songs I ever heard performed on guitar, and I still think it's beautiful.)
25. Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee (because it's the ultimate holier-than-thou song. Extremely funny... to me, anyway.)
26. Omna Magni (because it sounds so lonely.)
27. Sal (because I've always liked choir music.)
28. Jesus, Son of David, Have Mercy on Me (because it's a Gregorian chant. Chants = cool. Minor key = cool. This one has both.)
...yes, I know, it's a lot of songs. That's why I said it'd be a list. Also it's why the theme song question has always been difficult for me... I'm, I suppose, spoilt for choice. If I'm right, listening to all of these (full versions, all) should take about 130 minutes: about enough to fill up one movie at least. See, I choose well.
Of course they probably shouldn't be played in that order. If you asked me, I'd arrange them so the happy songs would get dispersed amongst the unhappy ones, and I'd probably want to keep Mr. Bojangles until the last one to end on a nice note. In any case, when I die, I wouldn't mind terribly if somebody would just play these.
...oh, and you'll notice there aren't any love songs in there. Even when dead, I refuse to subscribe to soppy sentiment and have people crooning sweet meaningless nothings over my dead body. Cliche and pun unintentional. Mm hmm. At this rate I should have my entire funeral programme prepared by next week, and then I can begin preparing an unofficial will. It's annoying that wills have to signed by lawyers to be legal and recognised: I'd much rather just write whatever I want to be done with my stuff and let it be that, but I guess lawyers prevent false wills. Still, it's annoying.
The weather these past few weeks has been most unpredictable, shifting back and forth between rain and wind and cloud and shine. It's not that I mind terribly--you ought to be very much aware by now that of the four, my least favourite is shine--but it does make things inconvenient when planning anything. Even hanging clothes becomes something of a challenge.
(Especially because I have very few of those.)
I have decided that I very much like midi files. They're small, they sound almost like the original song (but without singing), and they don't make my uncle scream "Noisy!!" every time he walks by. Well, he doesn't actually scream, because what he does is reach over and turn my volume down until probably only an owl could hear it... if the owl happened to have earphones on. It's rather annoying... so I spent a few hours over the weekend on the Gorilla's computer (my main link to the Net) downloading midi files. The nice thing about them actually is their small size, since his connection is rather unstable... so the faster the download the better, as far as I'm concerned.
And I rather like them without singing too... it kind of lets me hear the notes better. Not that I think I could play anywhere near that level, but hey, it's a chance to improve a little bit. (And I think I really ought to improve while I can, before I get packed off to university or somewhere without a piano nearby.) Plus there're midi files for everything! Movie themes, videogame themes... so I got as much as I could find of Chocobo tunes and FF3 backgrounds. I'm still lacking the Kefka Laugh and the Figaro Castle tracks, though... I didn't find them. Apparently there aren't midis for everything, then...
It's raining massively outside right now, the rain's lashing the building like whips, and I can hear the wind actually howling outside. I always thought it was just a metaphor or something before, but I guess it was actually literal. Although, really, it's not quite howling. It sounds more like a souped-up bike revving up, over and over again. You know--- vrrrooooooooooooom. Vrooooooooooooom. VRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM! Something like that.
[One hour later]
The rain has stopped, but the clouds remain... it's distinctly gloomy weather today. It rather, I think, fits the mood...
I don't like it when emotions are violently displayed. I said so before, in the cell group meeting... but I'm not sure they understood what I was trying to say. That's the problem with me. In fact if I were to suddenly go mute, I'd probably not mind too badly, as long as I always had a pen and paper pad around to scribble on. Of course I'd need to write much more nicely, but it really would probably actually make communication much easier for me. For one thing, I'd never need to worry about interrupting other people or about mispronunciation; of course I'd need to ensure that the recipient could read, but then again crude sign language always works. And for another, I'd never need to worry about foot-in-mouth syndrome again.
But I should go back to last night first, just to make little notes for my future memory.
It was a thanksgiving for one of the elders of my church, who spent most of last year (and part of this year too) in and out of hospital. It began with a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in the lung, which impedes oxygen circulation); then he got extremely low blood pressure (70/40, which indicates that his heart was beginning to fail) and remained that way even on maximum dosage of three pressure-raising drugs; then a series of inflammations and virii and fungi (not my fault, that!--sorry, inside joke) and various other things, culminating in a failed heart valve requiring an open-heart surgery. And he still survived, which (from the medical point of view anyway) really shouldn't be the case.
There was a bit of time given to the family members to tell their testimonies (not as in Friendster. No little hearts or annoying pictures-drawn-with-characters in these... testimony, in the context of a church gathering, simply means what you experienced, and what you may have learned or experienced of God in, about, or through it) and I was worrying all through it about tears flowing. Because, you know, crying seems to be an unavoidable part of such things.
Fortunately nobody cried, although I was shooting panicky looks at D-Kun everytime somebody's voice broke or shook. He eventually decided I was just being mean. *sweatdrop*
But really, if anybody had cried, I'd have just put on a frozen face and tried my hardest to ignore everything--one of the things about me that prove I'm Melancholy. (According to several of the books I've read on the subject, Melancholies are masters of the art of denial of unpleasant circumstances.)
But it all turned out well eventually. It really is amazing that the uncle is, now, fully functional. Like they said, it is a miracle.
Of course, the testimonies last night weren't all shaky voices and almost-crying people. There were some rather interesting bits, such as the descriptions of smuggling visitors. In passing, my church seems to have an, er, disturbing tendency to smuggle people in and out of hospitals. The Gorilla, on the eve of an operation, was smuggled out of hospital--though admittedly not by anybody I know--and taken for a midnight snack that would probably have been all over the doctors' don't-eat list--and then he was smuggled back in. At midnight, remember. And apparently in the case of this uncle, the youth group was very busy arranging for decoy teams to distract the security guards while they pushed, pulled, and otherwise helped various persons of uncertain age into the ward to visit the uncle. I have decided, if I am ever hospitalised, to get a bed near the window to facilitate smuggling attempts. I suppose, in a way, the demonstrations of enthusiasm to visit him may have helped in the uncle's recovery.
And I met another of the teachers from RBS last night--and surprise of surprises, she remembered me! I seem to be running into ex-teachers of mine a lot lately: on Saturday evening, Free Tea had a be-earlied (as in the antonym of belated) birthday--at least two months brought forward--and I met one of my old Chemistry lecturers there. He recognised me too, but didn't remember which class I'd been in. He did, however, take credit for my B. I'm not sure whether he meant it jokingly.
...anyway, I'm still surprised that Aunty Heal-Me (that's roughly how her name is pronounced) remembered me--because, if I remember correctly, I managed to accomplish the rare feat of speaking less than a hundred words--in a month--to almost everybody older than myself there. There's at least three or four people to whom I said less than 50, I know. (They've probably forgotten me by now... I think.) But it's nice to be remembered.
[Tuesday]
Switching to midi files didn't work. My uncle has decreed that I wear earphones when listening to my music so I don't bother him... well, at least this'll make it that much easier for me to ignore him. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that... well, to be honest, I don't like him... much. He's OK in small doses, but being around Sanguines has never been good for my blood pressure. So far I've been stonewalling him as much as I can without being outright rude, but I think he's starting to dislike monosyllabic replies. I also think he'd rather I showed more emotion, but really he shows more than enough emotion for the two of us and I really don't want to encourage him in the overflow of feeling.
He's been rather grumpy these few days or weeks or something, I don't know when it started. I guess he isn't a morning person, either, since he apparently doesn't like waking up. Or maybe he just doesn't like waking up the cousins. Or something. Maybe he doesn't like waking me up, I don't know. But he does like to scold people... I suppose it's a phase everybody has to go through, but really he does get irrational at times. Like wanting me to hold my cousin's hand when crossing roads, even though the cousin in question is busy running away from me and to him. Or wanting me to do something about the red car that just turned the corner at high speed and came near the cousin who's standing behind me, having got down from the car while I wasn't looking. Behind me, remember? I don't have eyes in the back of my head.
Well... I should probably stop muttering about him since he's nearby and he's my boss and all... and anyway I've still got another 9 files' or so worth of receipts and bills to enter into the computer system. Amazing: so far (I keep track) I've already hit the Enter key more than 4000 times, and the number keys have probably each been hit about 10 times that. No wonder I'm now almost able to type without looking at the keyboard. Of course, the smallness of the keys still poses problems--I still hit wrong or extra keys on occasion. Just less often than before, is all.
[Friday]
I have now hit the Enter key at least 6000 times. That's about 2000 times in the last two days or so... which, when one considers it, makes quite a statement about the durability of laptop keyboards these days. Or maybe it's just a small miracle. Chronicles should know the kind of force with which I type. (For those who don't know it, I hit the keys quite hard. Not very good for the keyboard, but oh the stress relief it brings!)
I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Well, with 206 music files on my thumbdrive and another 50 or so on my mp3 player, that should be obvious. But, for some reason, I've been thinking a lot lately about having a theme song. Maybe it's a continuation of my earlier thoughts about death, maybe it's that movie I watched... The Holiday, I think, where some guy went and composed a theme song for some other guy... it was interesting. So I've been wondering lately, if my life were a movie, what would the soundtrack be like?
I think all this comes from watching too much anime or too many movies where the bad guy's appearance is always greeted by an invisible band playing fast music. Or playing RPG forums where people assign theme songs to their characters (because they say it helps them play more realistically--what the heck? Their character is a mad mass murderer!). And since the characters I create in RPG forums are always more or less similar to me (because I simply have no idea how a mad mass murderer would think, and anyway RPG forums have a serious deficiency of 20-year-old geeks), and people always ask what "my" theme song is, I'm wondering. (OK, so nobody has asked my theme song yet, but I'm just pretending they have.)
Seriously, though, I never like discussing myself very much. (Could've fooled you, huh?) At least, not about things I'm in no position to discuss. If you ask what I like eating or something I know about, I could probably talk your hind leg off if I thought it'd be worth the effort. But ask me to summarise my personality in a song... I've never been able to summarise myself, as is obvious from the multitude of posts devoted to gabbling about what I think about myself. And to choose a song to do it with...! All I have, really, is a list of songs that I think I can identify with, more or less. So if you ask for the theme song for the movie of my life, what you're gonna get is a medley of songs. A playlist, if you will.
So... *drumroll* The Playlist! (and my reasons for each song)
1. The theme from Edward Scissorhands (because it is my idea of beautiful sadness, and I like the wintery feel of it.)
2. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor as played by Vanessa Mae (because I like minor keys, and it's very nice.)
3. Canon in D (because I like the idea of variations on a theme.)
4. The Figaro Castle theme from FF3/6 (another minor key! but, really, it's very nice.)
5. We Go Together (a song that I wish would be played at the end of every camp I attend. It's very idealistic, but the sheer optimism is hard to beat.)
6. Mr. Bojangles (thanks to Jogger for this one; I really like it.)
7. Nobody's Fool (I get the urge for this one whenever people try to improve me, and I don't agree)
8. Brass de Chocobo (because it's another minor key, and I rather like the drums in the beginning.)
9. Suteki Dane (another beautifully sad song.)
10. Life is Like a Boat (because it is.)
11. Alone (because it's a happy-ending song: starts off sad but ends on a high key.)
12. Hold On (because it reminds me that Christianity is not a one-way thing. God does not throw tantrums and sulk at us when we leave Him.)
13. Joyful, Joyful (both the original and the Sister Act 2 version: because either way, it's lovely. And it helps keep one out of total gloom.)
14. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot (because that's basically how I want to meet my death. Happily.)
15. Holy, Holy, Holy (because it's utterly majestic if played well.)
16. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (because it's one of the more poetical carols. Unfortunately it seems to be unknown around here.)
17. The Unbirthday Song (because it's fun!)
18. Little Planets (because of the strong feel of nostalgia.)
19. Falco (because it manages to be both spirited and sad at the same time.)
20. Let's Get Retarded (because it's the kind of song that I want to sing at people who go on and on about learning going on forever.)
21. Movin!! (because I, too, just wanna keep on smiling.)
22. My Pace (because it's got interesting lyrics.)
23. Edelweiss (because I wish our national anthem were more like this and less about blood spilling on the ground. Especially not my blood.)
24. When You Say Nothing At All (because it was one of the first songs I ever heard performed on guitar, and I still think it's beautiful.)
25. Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee (because it's the ultimate holier-than-thou song. Extremely funny... to me, anyway.)
26. Omna Magni (because it sounds so lonely.)
27. Sal (because I've always liked choir music.)
28. Jesus, Son of David, Have Mercy on Me (because it's a Gregorian chant. Chants = cool. Minor key = cool. This one has both.)
...yes, I know, it's a lot of songs. That's why I said it'd be a list. Also it's why the theme song question has always been difficult for me... I'm, I suppose, spoilt for choice. If I'm right, listening to all of these (full versions, all) should take about 130 minutes: about enough to fill up one movie at least. See, I choose well.
Of course they probably shouldn't be played in that order. If you asked me, I'd arrange them so the happy songs would get dispersed amongst the unhappy ones, and I'd probably want to keep Mr. Bojangles until the last one to end on a nice note. In any case, when I die, I wouldn't mind terribly if somebody would just play these.
...oh, and you'll notice there aren't any love songs in there. Even when dead, I refuse to subscribe to soppy sentiment and have people crooning sweet meaningless nothings over my dead body. Cliche and pun unintentional. Mm hmm. At this rate I should have my entire funeral programme prepared by next week, and then I can begin preparing an unofficial will. It's annoying that wills have to signed by lawyers to be legal and recognised: I'd much rather just write whatever I want to be done with my stuff and let it be that, but I guess lawyers prevent false wills. Still, it's annoying.
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