Wasps and Squished Lizards

THE WHAT? How did it get to be September the 22nd without me noticing? How did time fly so quickly--exams begin in less than two months--egads, how time does fly! And I've so few posts up too--not that much really happens, but I have got to do this more frequently. Maybe if I left this tab permanently open, like my Facebook tabs (Home, MouseHunt, newly-added Mythmongers, and occasionally Country Story) and Twitter, you'd get a lot more updates from me here. As it is I am regrettably infrequent.

My life hasn't been terribly exciting, in any case; things happen, deadlines get met, I get stressed, I sleep and eat and go about my life. This week is the first week of school where both my Monday and Tuesday nights are free, though I'm still sore from yesterday's frisbee game and the trail-walking I and some Crusaders did later in the afternoon/evening. Sore in the arms, oddly enough, which I take to mean that my lower body at least is somewhat healthy.

...I've been talking with the Pig a lot on MSN, ever since the trip to Patience where we hung out a heckuva lot. I still miss those days, partly because they were holidays, and partly 'cause he's a great guy. Who thinks the same of me, which is very ego-stroking--not that my ego needs a terrible lot of stroking before it goes whack out of control, but it's a jolly nice sort of feeling. I think I'm rather needy for affection that way, and by gads he's a veritable motherlode of the stuff. Heh heh heh heh heh.

Though it just makes me wonder how people see me. The problem with that sort of question, of course, is that you can only ask it of people who already have known you for a long time and are perfectly comfortable being honest and hurtful to you; complete strangers are going to either say something nice or something noncommittal, and if they say something negative one is all too likely to simply brand them a troll and discount whatever they do say. And heck, how does one answer that sort of question anyway? I wouldn't know how to describe three-quarters of the people I associate with--ask me to describe people and I'll tell you facts about them instead of opinions--descriptions in their own way, I suppose, in the same way as "cold and sweet" describes a flavour of ice-cream. And as for how I see myself--!

I suppose this is mostly brought on by the roomie--I don't usually care so much when the person I get randomly allocated to live with for a year pretty much ignores my existence: my A-levels and the previous three roomies or so are testament to that. It's just that this particular roomie is in a very similar course of study to mine, and is Malaysian; as a result we have heaps of mutual friends while remaining complete strangers. It's probably also somewhat odd-feeling when said mutual friends turn up and he does a complete switch from work-obsessed to genial--in fact he's very much like my father that way, which may explain some of all this madness. Still, the fact remains that I haven't exchanged much more than maybe 20 sentences with him in the past month, and our most reliable communication is the grunt of assent he makes when I look at him with my finger on the light-switch every night when I want to go to sleep.

Still, at least life is moderately comfortable, if very quiet, in the room--the loudest noise probably is the clicking of my mouse (it's very clicky) or the tapping on my keyboard--I type very fast and very loud. Or at least, very fast for someone who's never actually taken any secretarial speed-typing courses. I presume such things exist.

I think I've found a streak of cruelty in me--well, not too wide a streak, but it's there. It's very odd and discomfiting when people call me out on being rather more hurtful than I absolutely need to be to get my point across (or when I don't even have a point to get across), since I don't usually think of myself as cruel or hard-hearted--maybe a bit mad-science-y, but not mean. I shall attempt to do something about this, but I don't know what: think happy thoughts, I suppose, or help someone across the road or something...

I was supposed to start studying an hour ago. I spent the last half hour on this post, and I've still not even started describing the things that've occurred over the past few weeks; still, do I really need to remember trivia? especially trivia that concerns myself? One never knows when some information may come in handy, of course. I might someday be replaced by a doppelganger and my most intimate contacts will want to know some strange trivia about me to identify the "real" me; but this log is online and anybody who wants to replace me will almost certainly have read it! ...I think I shall study now. And then shower, and sleep. My money says the roomie only reappears just as I am about to switch the lights off.