The Snakes in Spain Fall Mainly Out of Planes
You can probably tell from the title that I watched one of my very few horror/blood/gore movies yesterday (the only others I've seen are Sleepy Hollow and the Kill Bill movies), with Cheeky and the rest of the gang excluding Thunder Flower and the Hanky, who were celebrating the end of the recent trials with their boyfriends.
We were celebrating too, but not with our boy/girlfriends. Well, Serene brought hers along for the movie, but I treated them as mostly invisible since I don't really approve of public displays of affection. At least, not within my range of vision: and Serene (for the few seconds that I looked at them) was quite inextricable from her boyfriend. Perhaps I exaggerate a little, since a little while later they were both carrying Cokes, or maybe they put on the show for my benefit. I don't think I want to know.
Anyway, I shall now review the movie (Cheeky got this first-hand, since he was sitting beside me and so he was the victim of my motormouth: I tried to predict the soon-to-be-dead and I'm afraid it irritated him terribly).
The movie's plot is rather untenable: basically, it's about some federal witness on a plane, and the crime lord he's about to witness against decides to off him by planting several hundred snakes or so in a time-released crate in the cargo hold of the plane. The snakes are released in due time and terrorise the entire plane of passengers when they start escaping through the air vents and toilet bowls (pheromones were previously released through the air vents to enrage the snakes). The rest of the movie is blood, gore, and heroic rescues ending in blood and gore.
Bad Science in the Movie:
1. The difference in pressure between the inside of a plane and the outside is not so great that a bullet hole will cause massive winds inside the plane, sucking everything out that is not tied down. Refer to a recent experiment by MythBusters.
2. Not all snakes react to the same pheromone. The crime lord may have used a mix of pheromones, but in the quantities shown, the snakes would have killed each other before ever being released--unless the pheromones were extremely diluted, in which case they would have been nearly useless.
3. Anacondas or massive boa constrictors do not fit into small crates, and they do not feed frequently. This means that after eating a small animal e.g. an adult chihuahua, they find a nice place to rest and digest before coming after a second meal e.g. a rich fat guy. Even if the rich fat guy is easily available and is annoying and threw the chihuahua to the anaconda in the first place.
4. Not all snakes hiss, and snakes have extremely bad vision. That's why they stick their tongues out, it's to smell their way. They do not have night vision and they don't see everything in shades of sickly green.
People Who Died in Memorable Ways:
1. The couple who died while lovemaking in the toilet, killed when a snake crawled out of the light aperture (the bulb had been unscrewed by the male for some reason).
2. The fat woman who had her right eye punctured by a snake who crawled into her blouse and apparently caused her a wet dream.
3. The man who was terrified of flying, killed by a spitting snake.
4. The rich fat guy, swallowed by either a massive boa constrictor or an anaconda.
5. The co-pilot, whose body was probably discovered in the most dramatic way: when the plane was plunging below 300m altitude.
6. The man who died in the other toilet, killed when his urine hit a snake in the toilet bowl, causing it to bite him in the nearest spot (and I bet you know where that is). I still don't understand why Americans don't seem to have to aim when they urinate.
Memorable lines:
1. "Time is tissue."
Irritating Cliches:
1. The tattooed kickboxer with a Bruce Lee-esque haircut and a dragon tattooed on his arm.
2. The rapper with two fat bodyguards who acted (what else?) untouchable.
3. The two kids all alone. Plus they were stereotypically cute.
4. The super-irritating fat rich guy.
5. The man, terrified of flying, on his first flight.
6. The heroic FBI agent who knows everything.
7. The crime lord (heavens. Korean?!). Most likely the scriptwriter thought an Asian would be more likely to dump snakes onto a plane than, say, an Italian mafioso or an American drug lord.
8. The blonde with the chihuahua.
Parts Cheeky liked:
1. When a snake leapt out of a place I wasn't expecting any snake to be, causing me to jump about five inches backwards out of my seat. He's still giggling about it.
My Predictions of People who Would Die:
1. The blonde with the chihuahua (the blonde didn't die. The chihuahua did).
2. The rapper. (False.)
3. The FBI guy. (False.)
4. One of the little kids all alone. (False.)
5. The young air stewardess on her last flight. (False.)
6. The rich fat guy. (Killed and eaten by a massive boa constrictor or an anaconda.)
The review ends here.
I'm obviously bad at predictions. On the other hand, it usually rains when I expect it to (of course, I expect rain all the time so it's probably nothing much).
One little note: I think the exams have had some kind of effect on Cheeky's mind or at least his sense of fashion: I've never seen him live in a sleeveless tee and knee-length shorts before. Eevrybody noticed, I think: he was bombarded with questions after the exams about his sudden change of attire.
Well, he managed to pull it off--he at least has something resembling muscle on his arms, so he can afford to show off once in awhile, I guess. I certainly couldn't--I've tried on muscle tees (in departmental stores when I'm sure nobody I know is around) and all they do on me is show off my (developing) gut. PLUS the sleeves tend to hang limply on my arms (instead of choking off my blood circulation like on the display).
He returned to normal today. Maybe a good night's sleep cured him.
We were celebrating too, but not with our boy/girlfriends. Well, Serene brought hers along for the movie, but I treated them as mostly invisible since I don't really approve of public displays of affection. At least, not within my range of vision: and Serene (for the few seconds that I looked at them) was quite inextricable from her boyfriend. Perhaps I exaggerate a little, since a little while later they were both carrying Cokes, or maybe they put on the show for my benefit. I don't think I want to know.
Anyway, I shall now review the movie (Cheeky got this first-hand, since he was sitting beside me and so he was the victim of my motormouth: I tried to predict the soon-to-be-dead and I'm afraid it irritated him terribly).
The movie's plot is rather untenable: basically, it's about some federal witness on a plane, and the crime lord he's about to witness against decides to off him by planting several hundred snakes or so in a time-released crate in the cargo hold of the plane. The snakes are released in due time and terrorise the entire plane of passengers when they start escaping through the air vents and toilet bowls (pheromones were previously released through the air vents to enrage the snakes). The rest of the movie is blood, gore, and heroic rescues ending in blood and gore.
Bad Science in the Movie:
1. The difference in pressure between the inside of a plane and the outside is not so great that a bullet hole will cause massive winds inside the plane, sucking everything out that is not tied down. Refer to a recent experiment by MythBusters.
2. Not all snakes react to the same pheromone. The crime lord may have used a mix of pheromones, but in the quantities shown, the snakes would have killed each other before ever being released--unless the pheromones were extremely diluted, in which case they would have been nearly useless.
3. Anacondas or massive boa constrictors do not fit into small crates, and they do not feed frequently. This means that after eating a small animal e.g. an adult chihuahua, they find a nice place to rest and digest before coming after a second meal e.g. a rich fat guy. Even if the rich fat guy is easily available and is annoying and threw the chihuahua to the anaconda in the first place.
4. Not all snakes hiss, and snakes have extremely bad vision. That's why they stick their tongues out, it's to smell their way. They do not have night vision and they don't see everything in shades of sickly green.
People Who Died in Memorable Ways:
1. The couple who died while lovemaking in the toilet, killed when a snake crawled out of the light aperture (the bulb had been unscrewed by the male for some reason).
2. The fat woman who had her right eye punctured by a snake who crawled into her blouse and apparently caused her a wet dream.
3. The man who was terrified of flying, killed by a spitting snake.
4. The rich fat guy, swallowed by either a massive boa constrictor or an anaconda.
5. The co-pilot, whose body was probably discovered in the most dramatic way: when the plane was plunging below 300m altitude.
6. The man who died in the other toilet, killed when his urine hit a snake in the toilet bowl, causing it to bite him in the nearest spot (and I bet you know where that is). I still don't understand why Americans don't seem to have to aim when they urinate.
Memorable lines:
1. "Time is tissue."
Irritating Cliches:
1. The tattooed kickboxer with a Bruce Lee-esque haircut and a dragon tattooed on his arm.
2. The rapper with two fat bodyguards who acted (what else?) untouchable.
3. The two kids all alone. Plus they were stereotypically cute.
4. The super-irritating fat rich guy.
5. The man, terrified of flying, on his first flight.
6. The heroic FBI agent who knows everything.
7. The crime lord (heavens. Korean?!). Most likely the scriptwriter thought an Asian would be more likely to dump snakes onto a plane than, say, an Italian mafioso or an American drug lord.
8. The blonde with the chihuahua.
Parts Cheeky liked:
1. When a snake leapt out of a place I wasn't expecting any snake to be, causing me to jump about five inches backwards out of my seat. He's still giggling about it.
My Predictions of People who Would Die:
1. The blonde with the chihuahua (the blonde didn't die. The chihuahua did).
2. The rapper. (False.)
3. The FBI guy. (False.)
4. One of the little kids all alone. (False.)
5. The young air stewardess on her last flight. (False.)
6. The rich fat guy. (Killed and eaten by a massive boa constrictor or an anaconda.)
The review ends here.
I'm obviously bad at predictions. On the other hand, it usually rains when I expect it to (of course, I expect rain all the time so it's probably nothing much).
One little note: I think the exams have had some kind of effect on Cheeky's mind or at least his sense of fashion: I've never seen him live in a sleeveless tee and knee-length shorts before. Eevrybody noticed, I think: he was bombarded with questions after the exams about his sudden change of attire.
Well, he managed to pull it off--he at least has something resembling muscle on his arms, so he can afford to show off once in awhile, I guess. I certainly couldn't--I've tried on muscle tees (in departmental stores when I'm sure nobody I know is around) and all they do on me is show off my (developing) gut. PLUS the sleeves tend to hang limply on my arms (instead of choking off my blood circulation like on the display).
He returned to normal today. Maybe a good night's sleep cured him.
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