Return of the Loquacity
Dear blog,
I have decided to begin this way because I guess it's starting to become habit... five weeks of journalling does grow on one, it seems... I hope I keep the habit up, it really seems to help especially when I'm trying to put some concept into words, writing somehow helps get everything into focus...
I came back yesterday to techonology from the RBS of 2007 (incidentally, if you're still reading, Colin, hi...) and right now I think I'm starting the expected slump into depression... I always get depressed after possible long-term separations. Quite likely the most appealing thing to me in Christianity, apart from the fact that it has a loving God and certain forgiveness of sin, is the fact that we get eternity to get to know each other with no separation. (This would only be appealing, obviously, if everybody was made perfect. Which, incidentally, is yet another attractive thing about the idea of heaven--as opposed to reincarnation, which is extremely depressing.)
Hmmm. The computer clock at the time of typing says it's 11.50am or so, which I guess means that I've already missed the first of many possible reunions with the RBS people (they told us specifically not to refer to these as 'RBS reunions' to avoid misunderstandings. From what I gather, they were going to meet up at the church where we had the graduating ceremony last night to clean up. I'm not sure... almost certainly there will be the possibility of them going out to eat after it, but after one month of eating up in Cameron Highlands, food down here is starting to look rather drab--I think I rather spoiled myself.
*sigh* Last night, after the ceremony, there was a lot of hugging going on, which I admit I participated in myself rather freely. I daren't deny it because there is too much photographic evidence that is going to be floating around the Internet from Multiply accounts... but I'm happy to report that nobody cried (at the ceremony), even though I was predicting it. The most commonly heard line was "I'm going to miss you all sooo much!" (Bold, italics, and underlines on "sooo much".) I kept itching to ask if everybody would miss me back. But I rather don't think so... as I told them, I'm generally invisible. That's why I type such long entries, you see, I'm too busy watching other people to have a life of my own. My opinion on the matter is that we'll meet up in heaven, and then with their perfect memories, they'll look at me and exclaim, "Hey! You look familiar...have we met?"
In any case it was much like the prom night, with flashes going off all over the place and hugging everywhere, with promises to meet up sometime soon if possible and plans to meet up at some exotic island sometime soon. If I'm right, nothing that was planned at that prom night was ever done... still, I suppose heaven ought to include islands... imagine, really perfect beaches and waves and sunsets and stuff. We'll have the greatest barbeque party ever! (On the other hand, I wonder if we'll even want to do that once we meet God.)
Ummm... I suppose I should start explaining myself. (The great advantage of typing, as opposed to speaking, is that no matter how quickly I type, people cans till read and understand--as opposed to my speech!) RBS = Residential Bible School, and it lasts 5 weeks. It's a kind of place where people try to get closer to God--and it's amazing how they succeed. And it's where I've been for the past 5 weeks, so... well, if you've been paying close attention so far, you'll probably notice that I'm starting to talk a lot about God and stuff. Because, you see, after 5 weeks of trying to get close to Him, you start seeing Him in everything. Not that He is in everything--that's pantheism--but that everything reflects him in some way. Even evil, after all, is twisted good--and if you can imagine ultimate evil, that presupposes an ultimate Good. It's quite strange how many people can believe in Satan without believing in God.
So I was up a mountain for four weeks with 44 other oddballs plus the staff (who, may I say it, are oddballs in their own right), then they sent us off to various churches all over the place to serve for 5 days, in different teams. It was all very nice, very enjoyable... and very encouraging to me. I can't say how: it's the hallmark of my life that nothing dramatic happens. Everything is a gradual slope... I suppose it all sounds very peaceful, but when you contrast it with other people's more... er, happening lives, one gets the urge to start making mountains out of molehills. Especially when other people treat their own mountains like molehills. But... yeah, I guess I've got somewhat closer to God... now if only I can maintain that trend, it'd be great.
My own experience there?... we were asked our opinions about our experience there on the last day, I think... yeah, it was the last day. I totally fluffed it, firstly because I speak very badly in public. I'm quite intelligible in private conversation, generally in small groups of up to 6 or 7... but ask me to speak before more than 10 and I stutter, I stammer, and generally turn the whole thing into a very embarrassing experience. So I make it a kind of personal rule never to do it... (of course, this usually has something to do with the fact that I have very little to talk about.) But that day I had no choice, so I opened my mouth and within 5 seconds everybody was rolling on the floor laughing their eyeballs out, I had an interpreter, and people were suggesting that I breathe after every other letter. So that was quite terrifying for me... and I must've seemed perfectly stupid. Besides I'm not very in touch with my emotions--in fact I have a positive aversion to them--so when other people began talking about their own feelings and stuff, I got the shivers. Because I hardly even think about my own feelings, and now I had to do it in public...
Well, now I can do it again. Not in audio, but here in type. You'll have to read it, and I apologise if I use too high-falutin' language to be easily understood, and pardon me if I use any jargon: but you see, it's so difficult to translate some concepts into "layman's language" (which is a jargon in itself)... maybe I'll even email it to the staff so they don't get too discouraged by my failed attempt at sharing... But be assured, I attempt to be honest.
Well, I suppose I ought to begin at the beginning. At the bus station, some time in the morning before the whole thing even began in earnest... apparently a lot of people happened to take the same bus (and we all got seats in close proximity!) and we happened to see each other--with those huge bags it wasn't difficult--and strike up little bits of conversations. The first thing that struck me was that everybody else seemed so... perfect. Or at least more perfect than me... as I told them, I tend to judge character by face, and quite often I'm correct except when I start trying to make random guesses... Anyway, you people probably already know I have a bit of an inferiority complex. I suppose it's what happens to people who don't have beautiful faces and don't have any particularly wonderful gift.
(You might argue that I can write or draw or whatever, but you see, one simply doesn't go up to people one has just met and wave an essay or painting in their faces. It's ridiculous. I don't even do that to people I've known for years.)
And quite simply, I met people with baby smooth skin and bulging muscles and flashing white teeth and magnetic personalities and oodles of money and... and here I go on another inferiority crusade again. Suffice it to say I have none of the above. Then the bus came, we went, we arrived at our destination (Highlands Christian Centre, beside the Maybank Lodge at Flat Earth--why do mountaintop towns always have "Rata" in their names?!) and then I met more smooth skin and bulging muscles etc. And then when I met other people without smooth skin and bulging muscles etc, they turned out to be black belts in taekwondo or Grade 8 pianists or professional violinists or superb singers or experts in ping-pong or scuba divers or competition-winning photographers or state-level representatives of their school in some competition or other... and most of them are two years YOUNGER than I am... and they all are much more articulate... and they all seemed to instantly bond with each other, it was as if somebody had dumped superglue on them and forgot me. I guess it'll be pretty obvious that I got a bad case of green eyes.
(Not literally. It just means... ah, go look it up, you're online aren't you? Three words. Dictionary dot com.)
And then, I think, I went into fault-finding mode. This one was grumpy, that one was emo, another one was too loud, that one was show-offish, and really I looked at myself and began psyching myself into believing that they really weren't everything I'd made them out to be at first. Hacking them off their pedestals, I suppose, in a way. And it worked, for a little while.
...I should explain at this point that we were told to keep journals, which functioned kind of like a blog to me. I'd record everything that happened, as well as my thoughts about it, as well as anything that I thought God was (trying to) say to me. Generally I assume He speaks through things that happen or by guiding my thinking somewhat, that's why my journal turned out very chatty and random...
So one day I went looking back through the older entries and I realised I'd been psyching myself all along into the critical mindset. But the problem, as I found out when I threw it off, was that I went straight back into the inferiority complex... especially since by that time the cliques were starting to develop and being me, I didn't have anything even resembling a clique. Again, I got depressed.
I have no idea how long this loop would've gone on. I have a vague idea it went on throughout my secondary school years and my A-levels, which (looking through my old posts) seems to explain why I tended to gravitate to the people I did--they all seemed to have something more than I did. Or rather they do have something more than I do, and quite likely they'll continue to have it while I don't, for a long time to come.
Then the book report came along. It's kind of an attempt to encourage us to read, so they set out a selection of Christian literature (remember, it was a Christian thing!) and told us to do a book report on any one we chose. Kind of like the old NILAI things in secondary school, except this was much more fun for me. Anyway, I picked up a book I've been hunting for quite awhile... it's called In the Likeness of God, and basically it's based on the premise that the spiritual body and the physical body are very much alike. Excuse me while I digress... the church, you see, is often referred to as the Body of Christ in the Bible, and well, we've got a human body. And the surprising thing is that the more you study about the human body, the better the analogy becomes. Of course you can't carry it too far, but as far as it goes, it's a very good picture. Digression ended. Now I began reading it... it's really interesting, of course, but I'm not doing the report here so go buy it yourself. (Or do as I do and go sit down in some bookstore for free reading. This only works if you speed read.)
Basically every Christian is supposed to function as an individual cell in the Body: almost completely different from every other cell, yet belonging to the same body--and, obviously, serving different functions. And it showed me how utterly idiotic I've been with all that comparing stuff. It was such a relief when I could finally manage to force myself to stop it and simply accept others for whom they are, not for what they could do or looked like or whatever.
(One of the weaknesses of the Choleric personality is that it's ruthlessly practical: if it's useful, it has worth. Otherwise chuck it out. That's why a lot of my stuff serves multiple functions... and the stuff that doesn't, usually has sentimental value attached. It probably had something to do with my inferiority complex, since obviously somebody with any skill is more useful than somebody with no skill or unusable skill.)
And then the next day I woke up and before I knew it I was off and getting depressed again... apparently this accepting-others-as-they-are business is much harder than it seems to be. I can finally empathise with those characters in movies who find it so hard to accept someone different: because I've been there. Anyway... I found that I have to do it depressingly frequently throughout the day. It's as if it's a habit of mine already, and I've been trying to break it since I noticed it, but only now am I actually getting a measure of success. Thank God.
I think the mission trips also had something to do with it... you see, one simply doesn't send 45 crazy young people to churches and give them something to do. For one thing the logistics is simply impossible. The kind of food required would be insanity. So they split us up into 6 little groups of 7 or 8 (my group had 7) and told us to work together or else. Of course they helped as much as they could, but... well, none of us was perfect, and once you have me in the mix, things go weird. (At this time, I had already got a bit of a reputation for liking bugs. I'd also swallowed one very small spider and chewed on a beetle. Don't do it: beetles are very bitter on the inside, although they are really crunchy.) I guess God had something to do with the fact that we had no big arguments or anything, just minor disagreements...
This time it wasn't anything about wondering who was better or whatever: it was all about the minor quirks in each personality. And thanks be to God, I was able to even enjoy those quirks after a short time. (During that short time, I was wondering how come the whole team seemed to be made up of Cholerics... except the leader, who was Phelgmatic. O the delicious irony of life. My personal opinion is God was playing a joke.) Even better, they didn't mind my own quirks, although I did try not to play with bugs in the presence of the females or males... apparently a large proportion of the male population doesn't like bugs either, I have no idea why. They're so cute! But it was a lesson learnt: things go much easier when you're not trying to bother with who's better or whatever, when you just be the best you can be.
And that means defining best for yourself: using someone else's definition of best would quite likely just give you a breakdown... so you see, it wasn't just about the food for me.
(I could rhapsodise about the food, but it's no good doing that because it's never coming back. In fact I'd be quite disturbed if the food we'd eaten were to, er, come back.)
Incidentally, my mission team said they found me very honest, even though eccentric. I think I like that description. *grin* Even though personally I think it's a little flattering... because, you know, I am eccentric. As for the honesty...! Well, maybe. On occasion.
...of course, the entire thing wasn't as bleak as the picture I've gone and painted. Trust me to come up with the whole thing in dreary tones... it was a wonderful experience, I met people I ordinarily wouldn't touch with a ten-tonne nuclear warhead, and I think I really got to know God more (as well as knowing more about Him: the two are different). Plus it was really very fun at times: the rain and the treasure hunt and the mealtimes--O the glorious food!--and blowing bubbles at free time and watching them go floating away...
You know, somehow I think the RBS was kind of like a bubble. It was composed of pretty common things, but was extremely beautiful, especially when the sun was out and the bubble would reflect everything near it. But then the bubble would burst...
So that's what I got outta RBS 2007. Now you know why I usually talk fast!... there's always too much to say in too little time... and besides, it all seems very random. Totally disconnected from whatever real points there might be...
To other topics. My A2 results came back, very disappointingly so... only 1 A (math). Everything else got a B each. It's really sad because I was expecting to do really well in Bio too so I could do biotech, but now it looks like it's not going to be possible. One might call it a leading of God or just my own fault for not studying enough. But in any case I'm still applying to do biotech; I'm just changing my second choice to Biomed and the third to Mechatronics (which, to be honest, is really unappealing to me but my dad suggested it). But as far as I can see, my educational future looks bleak.
Very bleak. Something like the Artic landscape (winds there can go up to 140 kmh because there's nothing to block them). Y'know. The kind of place where only people with superthick skin and/or loads of fur survive-- and I'm neither of those.
So yeah, I'm depressed, and feeling a bit abandoned, and it's amazing the amount of stress parents can give when it comes to future education and hunting universities. But all through this, I shall have to learn to depend more on God. After all, if He managed to get me safe thus far, it'd be plain dumb to assume choosing the wrong uni or course or whatever would throw Him off.
I have decided to begin this way because I guess it's starting to become habit... five weeks of journalling does grow on one, it seems... I hope I keep the habit up, it really seems to help especially when I'm trying to put some concept into words, writing somehow helps get everything into focus...
I came back yesterday to techonology from the RBS of 2007 (incidentally, if you're still reading, Colin, hi...) and right now I think I'm starting the expected slump into depression... I always get depressed after possible long-term separations. Quite likely the most appealing thing to me in Christianity, apart from the fact that it has a loving God and certain forgiveness of sin, is the fact that we get eternity to get to know each other with no separation. (This would only be appealing, obviously, if everybody was made perfect. Which, incidentally, is yet another attractive thing about the idea of heaven--as opposed to reincarnation, which is extremely depressing.)
Hmmm. The computer clock at the time of typing says it's 11.50am or so, which I guess means that I've already missed the first of many possible reunions with the RBS people (they told us specifically not to refer to these as 'RBS reunions' to avoid misunderstandings. From what I gather, they were going to meet up at the church where we had the graduating ceremony last night to clean up. I'm not sure... almost certainly there will be the possibility of them going out to eat after it, but after one month of eating up in Cameron Highlands, food down here is starting to look rather drab--I think I rather spoiled myself.
*sigh* Last night, after the ceremony, there was a lot of hugging going on, which I admit I participated in myself rather freely. I daren't deny it because there is too much photographic evidence that is going to be floating around the Internet from Multiply accounts... but I'm happy to report that nobody cried (at the ceremony), even though I was predicting it. The most commonly heard line was "I'm going to miss you all sooo much!" (Bold, italics, and underlines on "sooo much".) I kept itching to ask if everybody would miss me back. But I rather don't think so... as I told them, I'm generally invisible. That's why I type such long entries, you see, I'm too busy watching other people to have a life of my own. My opinion on the matter is that we'll meet up in heaven, and then with their perfect memories, they'll look at me and exclaim, "Hey! You look familiar...have we met?"
In any case it was much like the prom night, with flashes going off all over the place and hugging everywhere, with promises to meet up sometime soon if possible and plans to meet up at some exotic island sometime soon. If I'm right, nothing that was planned at that prom night was ever done... still, I suppose heaven ought to include islands... imagine, really perfect beaches and waves and sunsets and stuff. We'll have the greatest barbeque party ever! (On the other hand, I wonder if we'll even want to do that once we meet God.)
Ummm... I suppose I should start explaining myself. (The great advantage of typing, as opposed to speaking, is that no matter how quickly I type, people cans till read and understand--as opposed to my speech!) RBS = Residential Bible School, and it lasts 5 weeks. It's a kind of place where people try to get closer to God--and it's amazing how they succeed. And it's where I've been for the past 5 weeks, so... well, if you've been paying close attention so far, you'll probably notice that I'm starting to talk a lot about God and stuff. Because, you see, after 5 weeks of trying to get close to Him, you start seeing Him in everything. Not that He is in everything--that's pantheism--but that everything reflects him in some way. Even evil, after all, is twisted good--and if you can imagine ultimate evil, that presupposes an ultimate Good. It's quite strange how many people can believe in Satan without believing in God.
So I was up a mountain for four weeks with 44 other oddballs plus the staff (who, may I say it, are oddballs in their own right), then they sent us off to various churches all over the place to serve for 5 days, in different teams. It was all very nice, very enjoyable... and very encouraging to me. I can't say how: it's the hallmark of my life that nothing dramatic happens. Everything is a gradual slope... I suppose it all sounds very peaceful, but when you contrast it with other people's more... er, happening lives, one gets the urge to start making mountains out of molehills. Especially when other people treat their own mountains like molehills. But... yeah, I guess I've got somewhat closer to God... now if only I can maintain that trend, it'd be great.
My own experience there?... we were asked our opinions about our experience there on the last day, I think... yeah, it was the last day. I totally fluffed it, firstly because I speak very badly in public. I'm quite intelligible in private conversation, generally in small groups of up to 6 or 7... but ask me to speak before more than 10 and I stutter, I stammer, and generally turn the whole thing into a very embarrassing experience. So I make it a kind of personal rule never to do it... (of course, this usually has something to do with the fact that I have very little to talk about.) But that day I had no choice, so I opened my mouth and within 5 seconds everybody was rolling on the floor laughing their eyeballs out, I had an interpreter, and people were suggesting that I breathe after every other letter. So that was quite terrifying for me... and I must've seemed perfectly stupid. Besides I'm not very in touch with my emotions--in fact I have a positive aversion to them--so when other people began talking about their own feelings and stuff, I got the shivers. Because I hardly even think about my own feelings, and now I had to do it in public...
Well, now I can do it again. Not in audio, but here in type. You'll have to read it, and I apologise if I use too high-falutin' language to be easily understood, and pardon me if I use any jargon: but you see, it's so difficult to translate some concepts into "layman's language" (which is a jargon in itself)... maybe I'll even email it to the staff so they don't get too discouraged by my failed attempt at sharing... But be assured, I attempt to be honest.
Well, I suppose I ought to begin at the beginning. At the bus station, some time in the morning before the whole thing even began in earnest... apparently a lot of people happened to take the same bus (and we all got seats in close proximity!) and we happened to see each other--with those huge bags it wasn't difficult--and strike up little bits of conversations. The first thing that struck me was that everybody else seemed so... perfect. Or at least more perfect than me... as I told them, I tend to judge character by face, and quite often I'm correct except when I start trying to make random guesses... Anyway, you people probably already know I have a bit of an inferiority complex. I suppose it's what happens to people who don't have beautiful faces and don't have any particularly wonderful gift.
(You might argue that I can write or draw or whatever, but you see, one simply doesn't go up to people one has just met and wave an essay or painting in their faces. It's ridiculous. I don't even do that to people I've known for years.)
And quite simply, I met people with baby smooth skin and bulging muscles and flashing white teeth and magnetic personalities and oodles of money and... and here I go on another inferiority crusade again. Suffice it to say I have none of the above. Then the bus came, we went, we arrived at our destination (Highlands Christian Centre, beside the Maybank Lodge at Flat Earth--why do mountaintop towns always have "Rata" in their names?!) and then I met more smooth skin and bulging muscles etc. And then when I met other people without smooth skin and bulging muscles etc, they turned out to be black belts in taekwondo or Grade 8 pianists or professional violinists or superb singers or experts in ping-pong or scuba divers or competition-winning photographers or state-level representatives of their school in some competition or other... and most of them are two years YOUNGER than I am... and they all are much more articulate... and they all seemed to instantly bond with each other, it was as if somebody had dumped superglue on them and forgot me. I guess it'll be pretty obvious that I got a bad case of green eyes.
(Not literally. It just means... ah, go look it up, you're online aren't you? Three words. Dictionary dot com.)
And then, I think, I went into fault-finding mode. This one was grumpy, that one was emo, another one was too loud, that one was show-offish, and really I looked at myself and began psyching myself into believing that they really weren't everything I'd made them out to be at first. Hacking them off their pedestals, I suppose, in a way. And it worked, for a little while.
...I should explain at this point that we were told to keep journals, which functioned kind of like a blog to me. I'd record everything that happened, as well as my thoughts about it, as well as anything that I thought God was (trying to) say to me. Generally I assume He speaks through things that happen or by guiding my thinking somewhat, that's why my journal turned out very chatty and random...
So one day I went looking back through the older entries and I realised I'd been psyching myself all along into the critical mindset. But the problem, as I found out when I threw it off, was that I went straight back into the inferiority complex... especially since by that time the cliques were starting to develop and being me, I didn't have anything even resembling a clique. Again, I got depressed.
I have no idea how long this loop would've gone on. I have a vague idea it went on throughout my secondary school years and my A-levels, which (looking through my old posts) seems to explain why I tended to gravitate to the people I did--they all seemed to have something more than I did. Or rather they do have something more than I do, and quite likely they'll continue to have it while I don't, for a long time to come.
Then the book report came along. It's kind of an attempt to encourage us to read, so they set out a selection of Christian literature (remember, it was a Christian thing!) and told us to do a book report on any one we chose. Kind of like the old NILAI things in secondary school, except this was much more fun for me. Anyway, I picked up a book I've been hunting for quite awhile... it's called In the Likeness of God, and basically it's based on the premise that the spiritual body and the physical body are very much alike. Excuse me while I digress... the church, you see, is often referred to as the Body of Christ in the Bible, and well, we've got a human body. And the surprising thing is that the more you study about the human body, the better the analogy becomes. Of course you can't carry it too far, but as far as it goes, it's a very good picture. Digression ended. Now I began reading it... it's really interesting, of course, but I'm not doing the report here so go buy it yourself. (Or do as I do and go sit down in some bookstore for free reading. This only works if you speed read.)
Basically every Christian is supposed to function as an individual cell in the Body: almost completely different from every other cell, yet belonging to the same body--and, obviously, serving different functions. And it showed me how utterly idiotic I've been with all that comparing stuff. It was such a relief when I could finally manage to force myself to stop it and simply accept others for whom they are, not for what they could do or looked like or whatever.
(One of the weaknesses of the Choleric personality is that it's ruthlessly practical: if it's useful, it has worth. Otherwise chuck it out. That's why a lot of my stuff serves multiple functions... and the stuff that doesn't, usually has sentimental value attached. It probably had something to do with my inferiority complex, since obviously somebody with any skill is more useful than somebody with no skill or unusable skill.)
And then the next day I woke up and before I knew it I was off and getting depressed again... apparently this accepting-others-as-they-are business is much harder than it seems to be. I can finally empathise with those characters in movies who find it so hard to accept someone different: because I've been there. Anyway... I found that I have to do it depressingly frequently throughout the day. It's as if it's a habit of mine already, and I've been trying to break it since I noticed it, but only now am I actually getting a measure of success. Thank God.
I think the mission trips also had something to do with it... you see, one simply doesn't send 45 crazy young people to churches and give them something to do. For one thing the logistics is simply impossible. The kind of food required would be insanity. So they split us up into 6 little groups of 7 or 8 (my group had 7) and told us to work together or else. Of course they helped as much as they could, but... well, none of us was perfect, and once you have me in the mix, things go weird. (At this time, I had already got a bit of a reputation for liking bugs. I'd also swallowed one very small spider and chewed on a beetle. Don't do it: beetles are very bitter on the inside, although they are really crunchy.) I guess God had something to do with the fact that we had no big arguments or anything, just minor disagreements...
This time it wasn't anything about wondering who was better or whatever: it was all about the minor quirks in each personality. And thanks be to God, I was able to even enjoy those quirks after a short time. (During that short time, I was wondering how come the whole team seemed to be made up of Cholerics... except the leader, who was Phelgmatic. O the delicious irony of life. My personal opinion is God was playing a joke.) Even better, they didn't mind my own quirks, although I did try not to play with bugs in the presence of the females or males... apparently a large proportion of the male population doesn't like bugs either, I have no idea why. They're so cute! But it was a lesson learnt: things go much easier when you're not trying to bother with who's better or whatever, when you just be the best you can be.
And that means defining best for yourself: using someone else's definition of best would quite likely just give you a breakdown... so you see, it wasn't just about the food for me.
(I could rhapsodise about the food, but it's no good doing that because it's never coming back. In fact I'd be quite disturbed if the food we'd eaten were to, er, come back.)
Incidentally, my mission team said they found me very honest, even though eccentric. I think I like that description. *grin* Even though personally I think it's a little flattering... because, you know, I am eccentric. As for the honesty...! Well, maybe. On occasion.
...of course, the entire thing wasn't as bleak as the picture I've gone and painted. Trust me to come up with the whole thing in dreary tones... it was a wonderful experience, I met people I ordinarily wouldn't touch with a ten-tonne nuclear warhead, and I think I really got to know God more (as well as knowing more about Him: the two are different). Plus it was really very fun at times: the rain and the treasure hunt and the mealtimes--O the glorious food!--and blowing bubbles at free time and watching them go floating away...
You know, somehow I think the RBS was kind of like a bubble. It was composed of pretty common things, but was extremely beautiful, especially when the sun was out and the bubble would reflect everything near it. But then the bubble would burst...
So that's what I got outta RBS 2007. Now you know why I usually talk fast!... there's always too much to say in too little time... and besides, it all seems very random. Totally disconnected from whatever real points there might be...
To other topics. My A2 results came back, very disappointingly so... only 1 A (math). Everything else got a B each. It's really sad because I was expecting to do really well in Bio too so I could do biotech, but now it looks like it's not going to be possible. One might call it a leading of God or just my own fault for not studying enough. But in any case I'm still applying to do biotech; I'm just changing my second choice to Biomed and the third to Mechatronics (which, to be honest, is really unappealing to me but my dad suggested it). But as far as I can see, my educational future looks bleak.
Very bleak. Something like the Artic landscape (winds there can go up to 140 kmh because there's nothing to block them). Y'know. The kind of place where only people with superthick skin and/or loads of fur survive-- and I'm neither of those.
So yeah, I'm depressed, and feeling a bit abandoned, and it's amazing the amount of stress parents can give when it comes to future education and hunting universities. But all through this, I shall have to learn to depend more on God. After all, if He managed to get me safe thus far, it'd be plain dumb to assume choosing the wrong uni or course or whatever would throw Him off.
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