Mountain Dirge

A mountain went I to ascend
Just the other day.
I don't know what made me agree
To do it the hardest way.
In no way was I fit to climb
Upwards nine thousand feet
But try I did, and so I went
Though I knew I'd be beat.
It began quite nicely, all because
I saw a starry, starry night
And so I thought to myself
That I would be all right.
I soon found out that I was wrong
When starting the ascent;
I found myself wheezing for breath
And standing doubly bent.
My watch assured me that
I'd only gone five hours
When half-way there; but I felt
Like fertilising flowers.
The guide was kind and took us on
A shortcut (so he said)--
So steep was it, that when I arrived
I walked like the undead.
The next morn, we woke early
To try and reach the peak
But I thought it unlikely
That I would succeed.
Against all predictions, bets and odds
I actually arrived.
And then I came down again
Incredibly, I survived.
However, the mountain took its toll
A vengeance of its own:
My muscles are sore, my legs have cramp
And I'm weary to the bone.
If ever again a person tries
To make me mountains climb
I think I might literally
Tear them limb from limb.
For nothing on earth can ever again
Cause me to repeat
The torture I willingly performed
On my own two feet.