SPM Depression
The SPM results came out this morning, and I have spent several hours there moaning over my own results, gloating over those people who got worse results, and generally gossipping about everything everybody has been doing for the last few months.
I can't pretend that I'm pleased with my own results, although my father has said that I exceeded his expectations; a mere 7 A's isn't going to help a great deal in the pursuit of further education. In fact, I think I managed to hide a great deal of my feelings pretty well considering that I didn't start pouring cold water over the charitable classmate, Herr Robson, and Wolf's collective parade. The three of them got A1's for everything they took, and to their merit, they didn't gloat over me. At least other people are still decent, as opposed to myself.
We got a complimentary copy of this year's school newsletter with the results, and I must say I'm bemused and amused at the contents. For the first time, my writings have been published in the school newletter; although I'm not particularly pleased at the fact that whoever did the typing did a very poor job of it. If one is to believe the newletter, I make at least 70 grmmatical and spelling mistakes per line!!
Also somebody compiled a list of my class's characteristics, spelling my name wrongly in the process. I'm now officially Loz Zhe Yuen, thank you very much; and my defining characteristic is that I'm 'a nice guy with a bad reputation'. I guess I deserved that. After all, I'm not even a nice guy. But how I came to have a reputation at all is beyond me, considering that I didn't have much of a social circle while at school. I suppose that after 5 years, even a recluse must be known to some people at least.
The worst of it is that I got a lousy little B for my English Literature subject, proof that hubris is not a good factor when studying for any subject no matter how easy it seems. And I lost to Nil! This is definitely going on my list of Most Mortifying Experiences.
So anyway, the school was deluged in reporters who wanted to interview the charitable classmate (she appears to have gotten the highest score in the state, along with one or two others--I'm so jealous) and take photos of her kissing her father and vice versa. It was fun, though, to bring up the old male superiority thing again and totally irritate her. I don't know why, but it was fun. After all, more males than females got straight A's. Including Wolf--and to think that he thought I might beat him!
I just may have some latent sadistic urges.
Anyway, we also celebrated my old English teacher's birthday. Tommy brought a large chocolate cake and shared it out; again, I took seconds after making sure that I wouldn't deprive anyone else. I suppose Tommy's pocketbook regretted it afterwards.
So now I'm a bit depressed and somewhat nostalgic for the good old days in school. Not to mention a little tired of my mom's constant reminding that I am now disqualified for several scholarships and biotechnology courses (I got only a B for Bio) and therefore that I absolutely have to take STPM or A-Levels so I have another shot at the scholarships.
Sigh. How does it happen that I am always just a little short of the mark? Somehow I never manage to become the best; I'm always just a few marks short, just two grades away, just a little more...
Sigh. 'Of all the words of tongue or pen/ The saddest are: It might have been.'
I can't pretend that I'm pleased with my own results, although my father has said that I exceeded his expectations; a mere 7 A's isn't going to help a great deal in the pursuit of further education. In fact, I think I managed to hide a great deal of my feelings pretty well considering that I didn't start pouring cold water over the charitable classmate, Herr Robson, and Wolf's collective parade. The three of them got A1's for everything they took, and to their merit, they didn't gloat over me. At least other people are still decent, as opposed to myself.
We got a complimentary copy of this year's school newsletter with the results, and I must say I'm bemused and amused at the contents. For the first time, my writings have been published in the school newletter; although I'm not particularly pleased at the fact that whoever did the typing did a very poor job of it. If one is to believe the newletter, I make at least 70 grmmatical and spelling mistakes per line!!
Also somebody compiled a list of my class's characteristics, spelling my name wrongly in the process. I'm now officially Loz Zhe Yuen, thank you very much; and my defining characteristic is that I'm 'a nice guy with a bad reputation'. I guess I deserved that. After all, I'm not even a nice guy. But how I came to have a reputation at all is beyond me, considering that I didn't have much of a social circle while at school. I suppose that after 5 years, even a recluse must be known to some people at least.
The worst of it is that I got a lousy little B for my English Literature subject, proof that hubris is not a good factor when studying for any subject no matter how easy it seems. And I lost to Nil! This is definitely going on my list of Most Mortifying Experiences.
So anyway, the school was deluged in reporters who wanted to interview the charitable classmate (she appears to have gotten the highest score in the state, along with one or two others--I'm so jealous) and take photos of her kissing her father and vice versa. It was fun, though, to bring up the old male superiority thing again and totally irritate her. I don't know why, but it was fun. After all, more males than females got straight A's. Including Wolf--and to think that he thought I might beat him!
I just may have some latent sadistic urges.
Anyway, we also celebrated my old English teacher's birthday. Tommy brought a large chocolate cake and shared it out; again, I took seconds after making sure that I wouldn't deprive anyone else. I suppose Tommy's pocketbook regretted it afterwards.
So now I'm a bit depressed and somewhat nostalgic for the good old days in school. Not to mention a little tired of my mom's constant reminding that I am now disqualified for several scholarships and biotechnology courses (I got only a B for Bio) and therefore that I absolutely have to take STPM or A-Levels so I have another shot at the scholarships.
Sigh. How does it happen that I am always just a little short of the mark? Somehow I never manage to become the best; I'm always just a few marks short, just two grades away, just a little more...
Sigh. 'Of all the words of tongue or pen/ The saddest are: It might have been.'
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