Odd Hours
I woke up at 1pm today, after 5 hours of sleep. You got that right: I went to sleep at 8am this morning. It's not the first time; after all, I did it once before. I merely did it this time with different people.
It turns out the Emoticon and the Corn have taken a strong liking to each other, and since the Corn is (or was; I don't know if she won the election) on the Hall Committee and was finishing off a Vote-For-Me poster late last night, she somehow dragged the Emoticon out of his room, two blocks away, to accompany her in the TV room while she painted.
And since my room commands a very convenient view of that particular TV room (and vice versa), I got dragged out of my room too, to accompany them. I didn't complain too much since I wasn't doing much more than playing BeJeweled and Virtual Villagers at the time.
So we sat around and and chitchatted, excepting the time when the Corn's foot (my goodness, what a pun) got stuck to some wet paint and she had to find some way to get turpentine all over the foot as well. Otherwise we sat around and talked about (one of my favourite phrases) "everything and nothing".
It turns out I'm the youngest of the trio in more than one way: chronologically (in terms of age); relationally (as in: I'm the only one there with no love life); and, apparently, the two of them are fashion mavens (while I have roughly the fashion sense of an ant). We went through a lot of topics, none of which I can remember very clearly.
We did eventually conclude that the Emoticon is a SNAG (a new acronym to me--it means, apparently, Sensitive New Age Guy, although what the New Age has to do with it I don't know); that none of us likes clubbing although we met at a club; that everybody wants a partner who can cook; that the term "useful" should not be applied to a significant other; that the Corn is addicted to shopping, work, and potentially alcohol; and that I had better not reveal their real names for fear of dire retribution.
And they called the whole thing an educational experience for me: mostly because it soon became obvious that I have no experience at all of anything resembling a love life, upon which I got the benefit of their years of experience--apparently the Emoticon began having puppy love at 11 and the Corn has had what seems like a total of 5 or 6 years' worth of relationships. And I just sat there and listened to all their stories...
It does make one's ego shrink terribly when one knows so little about something that one is supposed to already be an expert on. I mean, it looks like everybody around me is either already dating or just broke up. Even little mites of 15 and 16 date already--and here am I, 20 and a half years old, and still merrily single.
And what's more it does look very... I don't know... comfortable... I mean, when I see couples, the main thing I envy is the availability of something to cuddle. I must be going mad or something. But it does look so comfortable--and this sudden impulse, I think, was brought on by the sight of the Corn and the Emoticon snuggling together... well, actually her head was on his shoulder and her arm was twined around his and her entire right side was stuck to his entire left, and his head was on her head... I've no idea whether that counts as snuggling. But I was getting sleepy at the time and I wouldn't have minded something soft to lie on too. But it just sounds weird for a guy to want to lie on another guy's shoulder, and I didn't want to disturb their arrangement.
At any rate it was a very bad time for my ego, seeing as it seems my current personality isn't going to attract anybody at all--quite the opposite--but how does one do these things? I'm supposed to cultivate sensitivity, a good fashion sense, sudden random acts of kindness, and a hundred other things that... I don't know, go against my grain? It's irritating! why does life insist on being so complicated? it's as if I'm in some sort of play but lost my script before I'd even read it, and now it's Act 2 and I'm trying to figure out if I'm even on the right stage.
I wish life came with a manual. Yes, I know, God's plan is in the Bible, just follow the precepts and I'll be fine... but right now that isn't particularly comforting, since I now have an extremely high standard to get at (the Perfect Male, according to the combined opinions of the Corn and the Emoticon: sews, cooks, cleans, loves little kids, bathes at least twice a day, dances well in all situations, is romantic, reads both men's and women's magazines, is tactful, polite, does not use violence under any circumstances, sticks to his promises to the point of idiocy, doesn't mind when the girl goes all emo, has huge muscles that the girl can hang a couple hundred shopping bags on, cries at appropriate moments, is somehow amazingly sensitive to the girl's moods, trustful, respectful of the girl and his elders, volunteers for Good Causes, uses perfume/cologne/other beauty products, gets good grades, swears very little, is completely and perfectly faithful, likes giving nice surprises, will sacrifice hours and hours and lots and lots of cash to make the girl happy, doesn't mind going on shopping sprees on a regular basis, and will happily open a joint savings account with the girl) and no idea of how to cultivate any or all of those qualities. Heck, I can't do any of those except maybe clean and read magazines, and I can't even do those well.
And apparently the Emoticon has mastered them all, along with two out of the Corn's three exes. Which puts me, apparently, at a severe disadvantage when it comes to the dating game. I simply hope the Coconut doesn't happen to read this and decide to make me go through that whole list. But it certainly is daunting...
Pardon me while I shudder.
...some time around 6 or 7am, the Corn and the Emoticon began getting very tired (well, it was understandable) and both of them closed their eyes, so they looked as if they were asleep... it suddenly struck me that the Emoticon looks and sounds very much like the Pig does. I found it seriously disturbing.
And one more thing, before I publish this and go off into some serious depression: neither of them thinks that dancing can be learned; both believe that it's instinctive on some level, and that one has only to (I quote) "look inside and go with the beat"; and the Corn said it's like being able to roll one's tongue: one either can or one can't, but on this point, at least, they disagreed.
It turns out the Emoticon and the Corn have taken a strong liking to each other, and since the Corn is (or was; I don't know if she won the election) on the Hall Committee and was finishing off a Vote-For-Me poster late last night, she somehow dragged the Emoticon out of his room, two blocks away, to accompany her in the TV room while she painted.
And since my room commands a very convenient view of that particular TV room (and vice versa), I got dragged out of my room too, to accompany them. I didn't complain too much since I wasn't doing much more than playing BeJeweled and Virtual Villagers at the time.
So we sat around and and chitchatted, excepting the time when the Corn's foot (my goodness, what a pun) got stuck to some wet paint and she had to find some way to get turpentine all over the foot as well. Otherwise we sat around and talked about (one of my favourite phrases) "everything and nothing".
It turns out I'm the youngest of the trio in more than one way: chronologically (in terms of age); relationally (as in: I'm the only one there with no love life); and, apparently, the two of them are fashion mavens (while I have roughly the fashion sense of an ant). We went through a lot of topics, none of which I can remember very clearly.
We did eventually conclude that the Emoticon is a SNAG (a new acronym to me--it means, apparently, Sensitive New Age Guy, although what the New Age has to do with it I don't know); that none of us likes clubbing although we met at a club; that everybody wants a partner who can cook; that the term "useful" should not be applied to a significant other; that the Corn is addicted to shopping, work, and potentially alcohol; and that I had better not reveal their real names for fear of dire retribution.
And they called the whole thing an educational experience for me: mostly because it soon became obvious that I have no experience at all of anything resembling a love life, upon which I got the benefit of their years of experience--apparently the Emoticon began having puppy love at 11 and the Corn has had what seems like a total of 5 or 6 years' worth of relationships. And I just sat there and listened to all their stories...
It does make one's ego shrink terribly when one knows so little about something that one is supposed to already be an expert on. I mean, it looks like everybody around me is either already dating or just broke up. Even little mites of 15 and 16 date already--and here am I, 20 and a half years old, and still merrily single.
And what's more it does look very... I don't know... comfortable... I mean, when I see couples, the main thing I envy is the availability of something to cuddle. I must be going mad or something. But it does look so comfortable--and this sudden impulse, I think, was brought on by the sight of the Corn and the Emoticon snuggling together... well, actually her head was on his shoulder and her arm was twined around his and her entire right side was stuck to his entire left, and his head was on her head... I've no idea whether that counts as snuggling. But I was getting sleepy at the time and I wouldn't have minded something soft to lie on too. But it just sounds weird for a guy to want to lie on another guy's shoulder, and I didn't want to disturb their arrangement.
At any rate it was a very bad time for my ego, seeing as it seems my current personality isn't going to attract anybody at all--quite the opposite--but how does one do these things? I'm supposed to cultivate sensitivity, a good fashion sense, sudden random acts of kindness, and a hundred other things that... I don't know, go against my grain? It's irritating! why does life insist on being so complicated? it's as if I'm in some sort of play but lost my script before I'd even read it, and now it's Act 2 and I'm trying to figure out if I'm even on the right stage.
I wish life came with a manual. Yes, I know, God's plan is in the Bible, just follow the precepts and I'll be fine... but right now that isn't particularly comforting, since I now have an extremely high standard to get at (the Perfect Male, according to the combined opinions of the Corn and the Emoticon: sews, cooks, cleans, loves little kids, bathes at least twice a day, dances well in all situations, is romantic, reads both men's and women's magazines, is tactful, polite, does not use violence under any circumstances, sticks to his promises to the point of idiocy, doesn't mind when the girl goes all emo, has huge muscles that the girl can hang a couple hundred shopping bags on, cries at appropriate moments, is somehow amazingly sensitive to the girl's moods, trustful, respectful of the girl and his elders, volunteers for Good Causes, uses perfume/cologne/other beauty products, gets good grades, swears very little, is completely and perfectly faithful, likes giving nice surprises, will sacrifice hours and hours and lots and lots of cash to make the girl happy, doesn't mind going on shopping sprees on a regular basis, and will happily open a joint savings account with the girl) and no idea of how to cultivate any or all of those qualities. Heck, I can't do any of those except maybe clean and read magazines, and I can't even do those well.
And apparently the Emoticon has mastered them all, along with two out of the Corn's three exes. Which puts me, apparently, at a severe disadvantage when it comes to the dating game. I simply hope the Coconut doesn't happen to read this and decide to make me go through that whole list. But it certainly is daunting...
Pardon me while I shudder.
...some time around 6 or 7am, the Corn and the Emoticon began getting very tired (well, it was understandable) and both of them closed their eyes, so they looked as if they were asleep... it suddenly struck me that the Emoticon looks and sounds very much like the Pig does. I found it seriously disturbing.
And one more thing, before I publish this and go off into some serious depression: neither of them thinks that dancing can be learned; both believe that it's instinctive on some level, and that one has only to (I quote) "look inside and go with the beat"; and the Corn said it's like being able to roll one's tongue: one either can or one can't, but on this point, at least, they disagreed.
Comments