Just Keep Trying Til You Run Out of Cake
I love depressing songs lately. I don't know why. More specifically, Dave Matthews Band and one of Jonathan Coulter's tunes: Still Alive. Lots of stuff agonising about what we are and how depressing it is, while Still Alive has just the right touch of mad-scientistry about it that makes me sing along every single time I hear it. It's even more addictive than the Hairspray soundtrack was, and as a consequence is right now at the top of my playlist.
Anyway... exams have begun, and with them my sleepless nights; I've slept like 3 hours in the past 24 hours, and I think I'm growing eyebags. What's actually more worrying is the possibility that I'm committing self-harm in my sleep, because I woke up with a bitten tongue--it even hurts to drink water!--and a laceration on my inner upper lip that is suspiciously the exact same shape as the nearest pair of teeth. I wonder, really. (This occurred during a two-hour nap: 4.30am to 6.30am.)
Now? The Math is past. Just past really, because it ended at 5pm and it's 7 now. And I'm horribly hungry and sleepy and I'm quite likely to crash tonight after eating, maybe around 9 or 10 or so, depending who appears online. After all, my MSN these days is one whole line of little Busy or Away icons; I haven't been able to send a satisfactory nudge to anybody in days.
The Math was terrible. I blanked out completely during the exam, and as I told Easy Kill after it, I felt like I was assembling a jugsaw puzzle from memory. A piece here and a piece there that you vaguely have an idea go together, but for the life of you they simply won't fit because there's something in the middle you've forgotten about. If I get anything better than a C- on it, it'll be entirely the work of His grace.
And here's something I just made up on the way back to the room from the examination hall:
Cut-string puppet mouth smiles with ducking head so bashful
Comforting words out from misshapen teeth wooden and worn
And a whole world of floppy heads smile back so bright their teeth
Because you never smile alone.
And cut-string puppet lolls head and walks on firm feet swinging hands
Smile and a good word to everybody on the way be cheerful
Don't show your back don't open your eyes don't nod
Or they'll see the falling string of hope no more hope
Chop string chop chop said scissors sharp high up there somewhere flying
Gleaming and unexpected and suddenly the curtain goes up and the string comes down
Flipping and curling useless to hold the head up
Floppy head falls forward and looks like it's nodding yes audience cheers
Gentle tie string back up to new frame
Find hope in future in people in something other
Because you can't hold your head up by yourself all the time
Floppy neck is floppy and floppy
So tie string back up careful now
Keep it nice and firm and taut there you go a pretty bow
And cut-string puppet's head comes back up
Smiling and saying happy words again
Watching for the next gleam of scissorblades...
...Maybe I have too many depressing songs on my playlist. Maybe someday I'll rework this into a rhyming thing, but I'll leave it as raw for now. I talk to myself entirely too much too.
Anyway... exams have begun, and with them my sleepless nights; I've slept like 3 hours in the past 24 hours, and I think I'm growing eyebags. What's actually more worrying is the possibility that I'm committing self-harm in my sleep, because I woke up with a bitten tongue--it even hurts to drink water!--and a laceration on my inner upper lip that is suspiciously the exact same shape as the nearest pair of teeth. I wonder, really. (This occurred during a two-hour nap: 4.30am to 6.30am.)
Now? The Math is past. Just past really, because it ended at 5pm and it's 7 now. And I'm horribly hungry and sleepy and I'm quite likely to crash tonight after eating, maybe around 9 or 10 or so, depending who appears online. After all, my MSN these days is one whole line of little Busy or Away icons; I haven't been able to send a satisfactory nudge to anybody in days.
The Math was terrible. I blanked out completely during the exam, and as I told Easy Kill after it, I felt like I was assembling a jugsaw puzzle from memory. A piece here and a piece there that you vaguely have an idea go together, but for the life of you they simply won't fit because there's something in the middle you've forgotten about. If I get anything better than a C- on it, it'll be entirely the work of His grace.
And here's something I just made up on the way back to the room from the examination hall:
Cut-string puppet mouth smiles with ducking head so bashful
Comforting words out from misshapen teeth wooden and worn
And a whole world of floppy heads smile back so bright their teeth
Because you never smile alone.
And cut-string puppet lolls head and walks on firm feet swinging hands
Smile and a good word to everybody on the way be cheerful
Don't show your back don't open your eyes don't nod
Or they'll see the falling string of hope no more hope
Chop string chop chop said scissors sharp high up there somewhere flying
Gleaming and unexpected and suddenly the curtain goes up and the string comes down
Flipping and curling useless to hold the head up
Floppy head falls forward and looks like it's nodding yes audience cheers
Gentle tie string back up to new frame
Find hope in future in people in something other
Because you can't hold your head up by yourself all the time
Floppy neck is floppy and floppy
So tie string back up careful now
Keep it nice and firm and taut there you go a pretty bow
And cut-string puppet's head comes back up
Smiling and saying happy words again
Watching for the next gleam of scissorblades...
...Maybe I have too many depressing songs on my playlist. Maybe someday I'll rework this into a rhyming thing, but I'll leave it as raw for now. I talk to myself entirely too much too.
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